Alta Sierra, CA — After spending years as a Peace and Freedom Party voter, Bigfoot, the cryptid ape- or hominid-like creature that some people believe inhabits forests mainly in the Pacific Northwest region of North America, has announced his support for Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. Although many locals were unaware that the mysterious forest beast actually participated in the election process, reaction was swift from Nevada County’s other political parties.
“We are excited that the Sasquatch has chosen to throw his vote towards Bernie, he’s obviously ‘feeling the bern,” said a spokeswoman for the Democratic Party of Nevada County. “And despite rather large campaign contributions from what would appear to be contradictory special interests, much of our platform has much in common with Sasquatch’s values. And Hillary Clinton. I’m required to mention Hillary Clinton’s name at least twice per press release.”
The Nevada County Republicans were more direct and critical of the cryptid ape’s decision.
“It certainly figures that Bigfoot is just another big-government-type Hippie,” said Nevada County Republican activist Brock Whalen from his Penn Valley home. “I mean, just look at all that unkempt hair. Anyhow, I suppose theses Peaceniks are gonna use this Bigfoot character as some kind of attack dog–errr, beast–against our water and land rights. I suppose he wants free healthcare now and an Obama-phone. Free everything.”
In a press release that was apparently prepared over 4 four years ago in case of such an announcement, the Green Party of Nevada County welcomed Sasquatch to the electoral process.
“The Green Party has the biggest political tent of all,” said local Green Party spokesman Derrick Packard. “Our tent covers Earth. Well, not literally the Earth, that’s a figure of speech. Anyhow, that tent would include any bipedal or frankly non-bipedal organisms in the electoral process. We believe in real democracy that represents all life on Earth. We also believe that Bigfoot should just admit that she is really a Green and get on board.”
It is not clear at the time of this writing what Bigfoot’s motivation was, but some in the Grass Valley development of Alta Sierra have speculated that recent real estate development efforts might have pushed the creature to join the marginal, anti-development political party.
“Look, I was just as excited as everyone else around here to hear that Bigfoot was making an appearance,” slurred a somewhat agitated Sal Smith nursing his 4th gin and tonic of the night, outside his Francis Drive home. “But look, I’m a lifelong Independent too and this Bigfoot thing is definitely some kind of liberal socialist or some crap. Hell, I voted for John Anderson. And. And…[there was a 5 second pause as Sal stared at a dirty Ford Ranger off in the distance.] What was I saying? Yeah, I could see how recent developments might push the creature that way.”
Bigfoot could not be reached for comment.