June, 2022

Violet Matenapolis

Born Alma Greenwalt in Modesto, California Violet Matenapolis changed her first name after leaving home at the age of 17 to make her debut in Hollywood as a dancer. She fell into journalism by accident when her first husband, newspaper mogul Victor Matenapolis, discovered her scathing review of a play she had auditioned for scribbled on the back of a grocery list and put her to work. 5 years into their marriage, Victor was tragically killed in a freak accident while cleaning the tank of their beloved python, Stella. Her finger relentlessly on the pulse of what's hot in popular culture, Ms. Matenapolis spends the majority of her time hunched in the corner of any drinking establishment that offers "signature cocktails", feverishly hunting down stories from the darker recesses of the internet.
7 POSTS

California Proposes Special “Camps” For Anti-Vaxxers

In a last-minute press conference called to address the recent contagious disease outbreaks, California Governor Newsom proposed a solution to deal with the Anti-Vaccination or Anti-Vax movement.

Obama Proposes “Leper-like” Colonies For Anti-Vaxxers

In a last minute press conference called to address the recent contagious disease outbreaks, President Obama has proposed a solution to deal with the Anti-Vaccination or Anti-Vax movement.

Gun Violence Caused by Assholes Not the Mentally Ill, Study Claims

A groundbreaking study reveals the true cause of gun violence.

North Korean Missile Debris Found in Northern California

As major world powers attend an emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Council to address the successful launch of a North Korean satellite this weekend, federal authorities flooded into Nevada County Sunday morning to investigate what is thought to be debris from Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un’s “friendly launch” into space.

Locals and Flatlanders Face Off in a Competition for Shittiest Drivers

In another terse “locals” against “transplants” debate, the Nevada County Facebook community pages have been heating up over which faction is doing all of the shitty driving in the area, and now the online fracas has spilled into the streets.
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Local Schizophrenic Lawyer Sues Self for Fall

Nevada County is about to make legal history as Fernwood Z. Frischland, Esq., filed a civil suit against himself for a nasty fall he suffered in front of his home at 24444 Old Tunnel Road.

Protesters Tear Down Georgia Guidestones

The controversial apocalyptic Georgia monument proclaiming end-of-the-world scenarios was toppled this past week by a group of leftwing activists.

Woman Legally Incorporates Uterus to Avoid Government Regulation

Taking a page from the Republican Party's handbook, Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her Uterus in an attempt to gain the many regulatory exemptions many corporations enjoy.

Bernie Sanders: I Will Make America Metric

Bernie Sanders announced to a crowd of over 14,000 people at a campaign stop at NYU in New York City that when he is elected President, his first executive action will include a plan to convert America's ancient imperial measures and units to the metric system.

Obama Offers to Trade SCOTUS Pick for Second Amendment

President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) has reportedly sent word to Senate Majority Mitch McConnell (R-KY) that he is willing to negotiate a deal in which the president would willingly sacrifice his Supreme Court nomination in exchange for the Second Amendment.