Roy Riffle

Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.
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Many Billionaires Warn Americans of the Dangers of Socialism

For their part, most Americans cherish their billionaire overlords.

NASCAR Drivers Allowed To Use Service Animals

The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing or NASCAR announced early this week that it plans to allow service animals in select races in 2018 and on every race by 2020.

“Come Back Into the Office,” Says CEO Who Doesn’t Know Your Name

CEO Genie Hanson-Carols noted that the company's culture was about inclusivity and teamwork, and achieving those goals would be impossible with remote work.

Wikileaks Releases the Gay Agenda

Conservatives immediately called for a Congressional investigation.

Hanes Trademarks OxyCotton

In what is raising more than a few eyebrows in the garment industry, Hanes Brands, the parent company of the popular line of Hanes undergarments has trademarked the phrase OxyCotton for its new line of mens and women's underwear.

Florida Gym Teacher Arrested For Farting On Student

Pensacola, FL gym teacher Davis Allen Darden has arrested and released pending an investigation.

Tom Steyer’s Political Advertising Boosts US GDP

Billionaire presidential candidate Tom Steyer has single-handedly boosted the United States Gross National Product. Photo by Gage Skidmore.

Goodwill Denies Reselling Dog Shit in Plastic Bags

Goodwill industries is denying that it packaged dog feces for resale.

Roy Riffle

Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.
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