May, 2022

Roy Riffle

Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.
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Trump Books Pussy Riot for Inauguration

In a surprise last-minute addition to the entertainment schedule, the outspoken and controversial Russian rock band Pussy Riot has been invited to play during Donald Trump's inauguration.

Trump & Fox News Recreates Live Nativity Scene Outside NY Times

In counterstrike against the war on Christmas, the incoming Donald Trump Administration has teamed up with Fox News for a first-of-its-kind holiday "protest" against the New York Times.

Future Active Shooter Disappointed About C- Manifesto Grade

Garth Gall of Clovis, CA says he plans to work hard to get his grades up.

The Epoch Times Buys The Babylon Bee in a Satire-free Transaction

The far-right newspaper The Epoch Times has purchases the French-reactionary publication the Babylon Bee.

Trump Asks Supporters to Donate Their Stimulus Check

President Trump is asking his supporters to donate their stimulus money to his campaign.
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Satire Publication Cancelled for Writing about Next School Shooting

This ends a long tradition of strong reporting from the Sierra City, CA-based news source.

Rand Paul Salutes Dead Kids For Dying For Your Liberty

Calls for Rand Paul to resign are growing.

Several Kids Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

Wilburn Marvin accidentally overslept this morning, missing his chance to save hundreds of people from an active shooter situation.

Anti-Vaxxer Group Gets Polio on India Trip

A group of "anti-vax" Christian evangelicals became very ill after visiting one of the world's poorest places.

Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.