December, 2021

Roy Riffle

Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.
109 POSTS

Asperger’s Support Group Awkwardly Silent

A weekly support group meeting of Asperger's patients was awkwardly silent for the 6th straight week according to participant Don Bessert of Plymouth, MA.

IBM Releases “Final Solution” Version of Linux

Hopes to solve "the Java question."

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Gynecology MasterClass Breaks the Internet

All of the major Internet Service Providers announced plans to slow down Ms. Paltrow's controversial class in order to preserve network capacity.

Texas Legalizes Smoking At Gas Stations

Most Texans support the new law designed to keep "foreign influence" out.

Sacramento City College Grants Joe Rogan Honorary AA Degree

Mr. Rogan plans no immediate career changes but is open to teaching a few classes.
spot_img

Popular

Christian “Terrorists” in Trouble for Illegal Chemtrailing

A group of Christian chemtrailers are in trouble with both civil and military aviation officials for using their aircraft to spread the "the divine Word of Christ."

Easy Bake Oven Thwarted by LED Light Bulb

Warren Grant of Nevada City became agitated on Wednesday when his daughter's Christmas Gift, a "retro" Kenner Easy Bake Oven, failed to cook the small-batch cake mix.

Biden Offers Laid Off Coal Workers Betamax VCRs

The President's critics say this is another example of him being out of touch with average Americans.

Why I Should Be The Next Supreme Court Justice

There is a lot of controversy going on in our government about the next Supreme Court justice and who should be allowed to choose them. I have a simple solution, choose me.

Dalai Lama Finds Time to Relax with a Fidget Spinner

His holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, surprised audience members at this year's 7th Annual Ohio Spiritual Awakening Festival or OSAF when he mentioned that he used a fidget spinner to occasionally "relax and center himself after a hectic day."