August, 2022

Portia Fieldstone

Portia Fieldstone was raised on the prairie in North Dakota, growing wheat and working in the fields alongside her family members. Portia, the oldest of thirteen siblings, left North Dakota seven years ago when the “Gluten-Free Movement” wiped out the once prosperous Fieldstone wheat farm. After much soul searching, including a brief disappointing engagement as a street mime at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco, Portia moved to Grass Valley with her new husband, Oscar, a journeyman forester who wrote his groundbreaking doctoral thesis on monopine husbandry. In 2012, Oscar was tragically killed in a horrific falling tree accident that wiped out all cell service in Penn Valley for several years.

Nevada Prepares for Influx of State of Jefferson Refugees

Officials from the State of Nevada are reporting a new alarming trend, a mass migration to Nevada of residents escaping from the rural California states that are targeted to become the new State of Jefferson.

New Centennial Dam to Host Water Park and Full Bridgeport Bridge

Officials of the Nevada Irrigation District (“NID”) confirmed today that a new recreational facility will be included in the Centennial Dam Project.

State of Jefferson Announces Innovative Fundraising Plan

Proponents of the proposed State of Jefferson have been criticized recently for their failure to provide information on how the creation and operation of their new state will be funded.

Local Beekeepers Stung in Honey Oil Raid

Members of the Nevada County Nevada County Sheriff’s Narcotics Task Force served a warrant Sunday afternoon at a residence located on Dog Bar Road, locating what was descried as the largest scale butane honey oil (“BHO”) lab ever found in Nevada County.


Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.