June, 2022

Maribella Promijeniti

Maribella Promijeniti is a 73-year-old woman that lives with her cat colony high in the Andes Mountains of Peru. She creates her own electricity by riding her stationary bike, which means she can only be on the internet while riding said bike. This can make it incredibly difficult for her to get online in the winter, as her bike is outside. So, please don’t expect an immediate response from any text or email sent her direction. Though her life isn’t very exciting at the moment, Maribella has done some extraordinary things in the past, such as teaching yoga to aliens in area 51, house cleaning for a family of the illuminaughty, and carrying out assassinations for the CIA (that one guy on the street included). At one point, she was engaged to a man running for the presidency in Cuba, but he was, unfortunately, shot by a supporter of the opposing party (accidentally). After which, she vowed never to be engaged to a man running for president again (quite a hard thing to avoid in her position). You are more than welcome to treck up to her home if you are in the area, however, be aware that she grows many different types of plants in her garden and greenhouse, and, unless you do not fear mortal peril or the loss of limb and mind, do not taste a random plant without asking first what its properties are. She will be more than delighted to share her knowledge with you, however, if you spontaneously try any of the more dangerous or intoxicating ones, she may not be able to neutralize its effects.

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