November, 2021

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
262 POSTS

BLM Sends Rip Taylor to Decorate Occupied Oregon Building

The Bureau of Land Management of BLM announced in a prepared press release that they had no other choice but to order American actor and comedian Rip Taylor to decorate the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge.

Native Americans to Build African-American Tuskegee Casino

Native Americans and African-Americans are joining forces to create the Nation's first African-American Casino in Tuskegee, Alabama. As first of its kind, it will be built and managed by United Auburn Indian Community, a Native American tribe consisting of mostly Miwuk and Maidu Indians indigenous to the Sacramento Valley region.

Follow-Up: Area Weatherman Selling Meats on the Ridge

There appears to be a door-to-door meat selling bonanza happening in Nevada County. Area patent troll and weather genius Giovanni Paolo recently admitted to Gish Gallop that he sells a series of quality Omaha steaks to the residents of North San Juan and Camptonville. Along with his high quality meats, he sells a variety of "exotic" local animal proteins as well.

Penn Valley to Deny “Gay” Marriage Licenses

A group of local Christian activists have banded together to prevent same-sex marriages from happening in Penn Valley, CA. The group, called Citizen Against Non-Traditions or CAN'T, seeks to prevent anyone from gaining a marriage license in the rural, largely conservative town.

Area Botox Party Goes Horribly Wrong

What started out as a girl's night out Botox party ended badly when a first time General Practitioner failed to administer the doses correctly. Although no one was hurt, many of the participants do have some facial disfigurements that will probably last a few months, after which the toxin wears off.
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Adobe to Retire Impact Meme Font

After months of deliberation following an extensive study from the Rundex Family Foundation, in a stunning announcement, Adobe Systems has decided to remove the Impact Font from all of its product offerings.

Middle Manager to Find Out Who’s Snoring on Conference Calls

Area middle manager Pajas Balasubramanian has been tasked with the thankless job of finding out who keeps snoring on company conference calls. Mr. Balasubramanian, a naturalized American citizen from New Delhi, India, is currently the Managers of Education Experience for local firm Video Axcell.

Rand Paul Under Fire For Accepting Stimulus Money

The usually anti-government Senator from Kentucky says there's nothing wrong with taking federal stimulus money.

Canada Considers Replacing Maple Leaf with Gravy Ladle

A group of Canadian nationalists are petitioning the government in Ottawa to replace the maple leaf on the Canadian flag with something more representative of the Great White North.

Office Worker Unsure Why Cheeto Goes Uneaten

Area technology worker and parental advice expert Brent Underwood doesn't understand why no one will eat the last CheetosĀ® in the break room. The lone puffy snack treat, which has sat in a paper tray for over 3 hours, has not been fondled nor eaten leading Mr. Underwood confused about what's wrong with it.