November, 2021

Loretta Splitair

Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
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2.5 Mile Comet to Impact Local Man’s Thoughts

Playing off recent reports that a super-comet is scheduled to impact Earth in the same time frame, Mr. Wolford wanted to stress to the largely disinterested and sometimes nervous crowd that this calamitous event was really about him.

Recent Austin Transplant Saddened to Learn He’s Now in Texas

Someone forgot to a Bay Area Transplant that Austin was in Texas.

Leaked Photos Reveal Young Tom Brady’s Love of Badminton

According to Brady, he began playing Badminton in his backyard secretly at an early age.

Anti-Chemtrailers Quietly Applaud Ivermectin-based Cloud Seeding Operations

According to a memo, the DoD started Operation Horse Paste Earlier this month with the goal of "controlling the massive spread of the COVID-19 Delta variant."

Bernie Sanders to Play Noam Chomsky in Upcoming Biopic

According to sources close to Bernie Sanders, the Senator of Vermont has agreed to portray MIT Linguist and Social Scientist Noam Chomsky in an upcoming biopic.
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Adobe to Retire Impact Meme Font

After months of deliberation following an extensive study from the Rundex Family Foundation, in a stunning announcement, Adobe Systems has decided to remove the Impact Font from all of its product offerings.

Middle Manager to Find Out Who’s Snoring on Conference Calls

Area middle manager Pajas Balasubramanian has been tasked with the thankless job of finding out who keeps snoring on company conference calls. Mr. Balasubramanian, a naturalized American citizen from New Delhi, India, is currently the Managers of Education Experience for local firm Video Axcell.

Rand Paul Under Fire For Accepting Stimulus Money

The usually anti-government Senator from Kentucky says there's nothing wrong with taking federal stimulus money.

Canada Considers Replacing Maple Leaf with Gravy Ladle

A group of Canadian nationalists are petitioning the government in Ottawa to replace the maple leaf on the Canadian flag with something more representative of the Great White North.

Office Worker Unsure Why Cheeto Goes Uneaten

Area technology worker and parental advice expert Brent Underwood doesn't understand why no one will eat the last CheetosĀ® in the break room. The lone puffy snack treat, which has sat in a paper tray for over 3 hours, has not been fondled nor eaten leading Mr. Underwood confused about what's wrong with it.