Jon Reremy, PhD

When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
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NFL Books King Diamond for Superbowl 52

Responding to outrage over Beyonce's halftime performance at Superbowl 50, officials at the National Football League (NFL) have stated their intent to host Danish heavy metal artist King Diamond at Superbowl 51.

NRA Study Finds Gun Owners Courageous, Svelte

In a startling new study of its members, the National Rifle Association (NRA) has concluded that gun owners share a number of previously unreported traits, ranging from high levels of patriotism to increased sexual prowess.

Anti-Hillary Group Wishes Wives Would “Let It Go”

The local chapter of the anti-Hillary Clinton group "All Against Hillary," or AllAH, spent the majority of time complaining about their wives' inability to stop dredging up past problems.

Starfleet Cancels Plans for San Francisco-Based Headquarters

Authorities speaking for the space research and exploration organization Starfleet have confirmed a long-rumored decision to postpone construction of the San Francisco-based Starfleet Academy.

Nation’s Barely Literate Angered by Dismissal of Views

According to a recent Pew Poll, America's mediocre thinkers are increasingly frustrated by what they see as a widespread dismissal of their opinions by their fellow citizens with above-average intelligence. Exacerbating their irritation is a seeming inability to communicate coherently.

Avatar 2 Postponed as Writers Disagree About Which Disney Movie to Copy

Avatar, released 14 years after the original, received distinction by grossing over $2 billion in theaters in 2009 and is widely considered the visually-superior execution of the same old story.

Spongebob SquarePants Booked for Trump Inauguration

With the recent spate of celebrities either refusing to perform at President-elect Donald Trump's inauguration ceremony or canceling their prior agreement to do so, the President-elect received a welcome bit of news this morning when television star Spongebob SquarePants agreed to make an appearance.

Homophobic Boxer Manny Pacquiao Suffers Breakdown, Admits Homosexuality

In a tearful interview, boxing legend Manny Pacquiao confirmed rumors that he was being investigated by Federal authorities in the Philippines after a string of complaints by sparring partners alleging non-consensual fondling.

Jon Reremy, PhD

When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
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