Jon Reremy, PhD
When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.
Archaeologists working near the site of the Library of Alexandria in Egypt, famed cultural center of the ancient world, uncovered a massive trove of parchments, scrolls, and manuscripts this week, calling it, "the single greatest Anthropological disappointment in history."
In a landmark study released today by the Pew Research Center in cooperation with the National Cattlemen's Beef Association, scientists have determined that proponents of the anti-vegan movement are several orders of magnitude more obnoxious than vegans.
Venice Beach resident Frank Rizzo was hospitalized by former Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) Bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey after reportedly telling her to smile.
scientists have concluded there is no discernible correlation between the amount of red meat consumed and the raw masculinity of the men consuming it.
According to a recent Pew Poll, America's mediocre thinkers are increasingly frustrated by what they see as a widespread dismissal of their opinions by their fellow citizens with above-average intelligence. Exacerbating their irritation is a seeming inability to communicate coherently.
Oh you hate her. And now here are the answers you've been waiting for.
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- At a press conference...
Merton Davies knows a racist when he sees one.
Several readers have contacted Gish Gallop with reports of a mysterious beam of light emanating from the sky in Nevada City. According to more than one caller, the mysterious beam of light seemed to originate beyond sight in the upper atmosphere and "landed" on Coyote Street in North Nevada City. No injuries were reported.