May, 2022

Jason Calberson


Religious Groups Celebrate The End of Black Sabbath

As the final ear-bleeding refrains of Paranoid came to a close at Birmingham’s Genting Arena, Christians around the world breathed a collective sigh of relief. After nearly a half century of turning America’s youth onto the occult, heavy drug use and sexual perversion, it finally signaled The End of Black Sabbath.

Toyota Signs 10-Year Sponsorship Deal with the Islamic State

The Toyota Motor Corporation reportedly struck a 10-year sponsorship deal with the Islamic State (ISIS,ISIL), aligning themselves alongside the world's leading global terrorist organization.

Group of Self-Proclaimed ‘Patriots’ Hang ‘GTFO’ Banner on Statue of Liberty

A self-proclaimed group of "patriots" known as APART (Armed Patriots Against Radical Terrorists), took it upon themselves to hang their own banner on Lady Liberty reading 'GTFO' (acronym for Get the F*ck Out) early Wednesday morning.

MIT Scientists Successfully Clone Angus Young

Speaking at a press conference this afternoon at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) announced they have successfully cloned rock guitar legend, Angus Young.

Road Head Simulator Shows Dangers of Distracted Driving

The national #HeadOut campaign, funded and presented by Brownstar Insurance, made a stop at the Grass Valley Public Library this week to show both new and experienced drivers the dangers associated with road head.


ANTIFA Space Force Plans Independence Day Raid on Humboldt County

Residents are advised to wear masks, however, due to confirmed law enforcement reports that Antifa Space Force will be utilizing aerial surveillance satellite footage

1st Annual Karen Convention Receives Record Number of Complaints

Organizers say they're making some adjustments for next year's event.

Pope Francis Proposes Friday Sabbath

Pope Francis has delivered a sweeping encyclical officially amending doctrine to move the Christian Sabbath from Sunday to Friday.

Area Pastor Defies Death, Converts to Atheism

A local pastor had a bit of a scare recently when he dropped dead of a heart attack. First responders were unable to revive him at the scene, and a defibrillator had zero impact as he was completely dead.

Area “Flattard” Thinks “Flattard” Might be a Derogatory Slur

Area Flat Earth believer Ben M. Walkowiaksky believes that his new Facebook nickname "Flattard" might be a derogatory slur. Mr. Walkowiaksky was christen "Flattard Supreme" by the administrators of the popular Flat Earth Facebook Group "Flat Earth Education" over the weekend.