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September, 2021

Jason Calberson

54 POSTS

MIT Scientists Successfully Clone Angus Young

Speaking at a press conference this afternoon at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) announced they have successfully cloned rock guitar legend, Angus Young.

KISS Army Shrinks to Pre-World War II Level

The KISS Army reported this weekend that the army’s end strength for September was 479,172. That’s 154 fewer soldiers than the service’s previous post-World War II low, which was reached during the Music From The Elder draw-down of 1981.

Donald Trump Vows to Make Hazzard County Great Again

Donald J. Trump grew up idolizing Hogg for all his achievements in the business world. After a recent rally in Atlanta, Mr. Trump took a detour to visit his old friend in Hazzard County.

First Wave of Syrian Refugees Reach Menominee Michigan

Earlier this week, the first wave of Syrian refugees, approximately 2,000 of the expected 4,500, finally reached the Menominee Marina in downtown Menominee, MI. The remaining refugees are expected to land over the next few days, depending on the weather and conditions of Lake Michigan.

Trump Names Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry National Security Advisor

President Trump appointed Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry (Tack) as his new national security advisor on Monday, choosing a widely respected military strategist known for challenging conventional thinking and carrying a loaded .44 Magnum at all times.
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Increased Chemtrail Spraying Leading to Premature Guinea Pig Deaths

Increased aerosolized chemtrail spraying over Northern California has led to an increase in small pet deaths according to area veterinarians.

“Racists aren’t the real racists. You’re the real racist,” Says Area Racist

Merton Davies knows a racist when he sees one.

Eric Cartman Based On South Park Creator’s Pet Guinea Pig

According to a new tell-all book, the creator of the Comedy Central show South Park based the popular character Eric Cartman on his childhood guinea pig.

Most Americans Still OK with the 71,000 Afghans We Bombed to Death

Mr. Bufton doesn't think about the casualties in the Afghan theater. All he knows is that he's keeping America safe.

Low IQ Man Can’t Handle The Hectic Pace of California

A California man can't hack the challenges of living in the golden state anymore.