May, 2022

Horst Schrempf

Horst Schrempf is Gish Gallop's occasional columnist and reluctant correspondent. He typically re-covers the beats already covered by previous reporters, adding more adjectives and sometimes adverbs to their copy. It actually works quite well. We think Mr. Schrempf lives in Grass Valley, CA, however we have not been able to determine his exact location. We suspect he might be hiding in Thailand. Last we heard, Mr. Schrempf was single, having lost his 2nd wife after the foundation of their self-built, Nevada City home gave way and crushed her in the crawl space.
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Persistent Volunteer Kills Town’s Can-Do Spirit

A local woman's chronic volunteerism is being blamed by townsfolk for robbing them of their initiative and dulling their once notable can-do spirit.

Mattel Scraps Plans for Seeking Arrangement Barbie

Mattelâ„¢ Corporation announced this week that they were scrapping plans for a new "Seeking Arrangement Barbie" who uses her ravishing good looks and high sexual availability to attract the financial lavishments and amorous attentions of fiscally secure older men.

West Virginia Introduces Rapist Bill of Rights

West Virginia announced new legislation granting recognition to the previously nonexistent paternal rights of rapist fathers both in and out of prison.

Newton Reveals That He Is Black Quarterback

Carolina Panthers superstar, Cam Newton, delivered a startling revelation during his Thursday meet and greet with Super Bowl media, disclosing for the first time that he is, in fact, a black quarterback.
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Pink Floyd Reunion Album to Feature Donald Trump Cover

In what has both fans and critics excited, members of the often estranged prgressive/psychedelic rock band Pink Floyd haved announced a reunion tour to support their surprise upcoming album called Tree.

California’s Secret Plan to Turn Texas Blue

A secret document reveals California's plans to make America blue.

Donald Trump ‘Open To The Idea’ Of U.S./Russia Corporate Merger

Alleged billionaire and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told reporters this week that he'd be open to a corporate merger between Russia and the United States should he win the election in November.

Area Man Misinterprets Wife’s Request for a Facial

Tustin, CA couple Carolyn and Jarrett Roush had an embarrassing misunderstanding.

First International Bullet Train To Stop Everywhere Except USA

A press release by the United Nations earlier today revealed plans for a global transportation system that runs on a high-speed railway.