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September, 2021

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein

Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.
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Local Newspaper: Don’t Shoot the Racist Messenger

The Union of Grass Valley has taken a page out of its 150 year legacy with a recent advertisement. Unfortunately for the local paper, that page appears to be from sometime in 1952.

Cost-cutting: ObamaCare to Cover Ambulance Balloon Service

The architects of ObamaCare have announced a plan to cut costs by implementing balloon ambulances. Known by its project name, "Ambula-Air," is a hot air balloon ambulance service for the "non-immediate emergency transportation needs" of ACA patients.

Harvest News: “Farmers” Demand School Closures Due to Rain

Due to a somewhat unseasonal rainstorm, some Nevada County "farmers" are demanding that local schools close to give area families extra labor for an emergency harvest.

Jesus Fights Godzilla in the Heavens

Not long after Jesus made an appearance over the skies of Nevada County, Godzilla, who is a giant monster awakened by the nuclear disaster in Japan's Fukushima Prefecture, challenged the leader of the world's largest religion to a "fight for the heavens" according to witnesses at the Higgins Corner Chevron station.

Area Man Attempts to Smuggle Butchered Lamb After Vacation

Cedar Ridge, CA resident Pete Johnson was briefly detained by TSA officials when they discovered a whole slaughtered New Zealand lamb in his carry-on luggage.
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Increased Chemtrail Spraying Leading to Premature Guinea Pig Deaths

Increased aerosolized chemtrail spraying over Northern California has led to an increase in small pet deaths according to area veterinarians.

“Racists aren’t the real racists. You’re the real racist,” Says Area Racist

Merton Davies knows a racist when he sees one.

Eric Cartman Based On South Park Creator’s Pet Guinea Pig

According to a new tell-all book, the creator of the Comedy Central show South Park based the popular character Eric Cartman on his childhood guinea pig.

Most Americans Still OK with the 71,000 Afghans We Bombed to Death

Mr. Bufton doesn't think about the casualties in the Afghan theater. All he knows is that he's keeping America safe.

Low IQ Man Can’t Handle The Hectic Pace of California

A California man can't hack the challenges of living in the golden state anymore.