August, 2022

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein

Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.
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Man with Chlamydia Discovers What Happens in Vegas Doesn’t Stay in Vegas

A Kent, WA man has learned the hard way not to trust marketing slogans. 38 year old married father of 2 Jimmy Fostersen recently attended his company's annual convention in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Dove Releases Soap Dispenser Products For “Washing Your Asshole”

The United Kingdom-base Dove announced today a new line of soap dispenser products specifically designed to clean your butt hole. The new product, called Dove Real Clean, is targeted at the growing "anus grooming" market.

California Recommends Indoor Fireworks Celebrations

Local and county officials have asked the State to clarify its new mandate.

Amendment to California SB277 to Inject Patriotism into Anti-Vaxxers

Following what appears to be an implosion of the repeal California SB277 movement, two California State Senators plan on introducing legislation to add additional provisions to the controversial "personal belief exemption."

Size Matters: Hillary Clinton Discusses Trump’s Member

Hillary Clinton made reference to Donald Trump's member today at a larger-than-average rally in Costa Mesa, CA this afternoon.
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Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.