December, 2021

Chip Day

Chip Day lives on the grid, makes a reasonable income, pays both his income and property taxes and perhaps most incredibly raising kids that he sends to non-charter public schools! All that and he doesn't have a single visible tattoo, creative piercing, or membership in any of the many cranky political movements popular in Penn Valley.
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Best Buy Suing Chinese Retailer ‘Bestest Buy’

American retail giant Best Buy announced this week that it was going after mainland Chinese retailer Bestest Buy for infringing on its trademarked name.

Fireworks Package Destroys Amazon.com Warehouse

An Amazon Fulfillment Center Warehouse #DFW6 burnt to the ground overnight after a large fireworks package unexpectedly exploded while being carried by an automated robot "picker."

Disneyland to Offer COVID Vaccinations

The Magic Kingdom is going all-in on vaccines.

Area Survivalist Not Sure What He’s Preparing For

Area survivalist and cattle rancher Bryan Buxton of Penn Valley, CA has spent over 15 years collection and storing food and weapons in his backyard underground bunker when it occurred to him this week that he had no idea what he was preparing for.

Poll Numbers Reflect America’s Expanding Asshole Demographic

The Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation has just published a 187 page study that found that Donald Trump's recent triumph in the polling data suggests that America is finally realizing its asshole potential.
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Christian “Terrorists” in Trouble for Illegal Chemtrailing

A group of Christian chemtrailers are in trouble with both civil and military aviation officials for using their aircraft to spread the "the divine Word of Christ."

Easy Bake Oven Thwarted by LED Light Bulb

Warren Grant of Nevada City became agitated on Wednesday when his daughter's Christmas Gift, a "retro" Kenner Easy Bake Oven, failed to cook the small-batch cake mix.

Biden Offers Laid Off Coal Workers Betamax VCRs

The President's critics say this is another example of him being out of touch with average Americans.

Why I Should Be The Next Supreme Court Justice

There is a lot of controversy going on in our government about the next Supreme Court justice and who should be allowed to choose them. I have a simple solution, choose me.

Dalai Lama Finds Time to Relax with a Fidget Spinner

His holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, surprised audience members at this year's 7th Annual Ohio Spiritual Awakening Festival or OSAF when he mentioned that he used a fidget spinner to occasionally "relax and center himself after a hectic day."