January, 2022

Ashley Johnson

After my husband passed in a freak carnival ride explosion I became the world's leading Crazy cat lady, and self-acclaimed Master of the Art of Mental Warfare.

Area Pro-Gamer Dies of Heart Attack During Tournament/Maintains 1:0 Score Ratio

Local man Brian Boykis (26) passed away in his home on June 28th from a standard heart attack brought on by the consumption of energy drinks and excitability.

Church Of Satan Appeals Federal Grant Denial for Daycare Center

The Church of Satan's team of lawyers are currently in preparation of this appeal by drawing pentagrams on the floor of the courtroom to be ready to wage Unholy War against the legalese necessary to get this grant approved.  

Poll: Trump’s Education Agenda Results Are In

The Hart Research Associates conducted a poll for the American Federation of Teachers, a 1.5 million member union. The poll indicated that nearly half the people who said they voted for Trump oppose his agenda for education. Many voters are saying they will not likely re-elect their congressional representatives.

The New FDA: Free Drugs For America in the Workplace

According to the Quest Diagnostics Drug Testing Index released May 17, 2017, overall positivity in urine drug testing among the combined U.S. Workforce in 2016 increased by five percent since 2015.


Damnation Army Seeks Important Satanist Thrift Shopping Demographic

According to a prospectus provided by the Church, their Citrus Heights flagship store has grown by over 400%.

Subaru Announces 2023 Limited Edition Bernie Sanders Outback

Japanese automaker Subaru announced earlier this week that it plans on releasing a limited run of what is tentatively called the Bernie Sanders Outback LE or Limited Edition.

State of Jefferson Website Honored with Layout of the Year Award

The Jurisdiction of the Jefferson State Militia website was nominated last year for its innovative design and faced stiff competition.

Inflation Concerns Drive Motel 6 to Rename to Motel 7

The 56-year-old budget hospitality and lodging chain Motel 6 announced this week that it is going to rename itself given extraordinary inflation and economic pressures.

Mormon Graffiti Saved Man in Idaho Truck Stop

The Mormon church has been around since the mid-1800's by Joseph Smith under questionable pretenses. It has since grown to 14 million members around the world. The Mormons use all manner of recruiting tools to save souls.