Mack Horton
Mack Horton

Rio De Janeiro, Brazil — Australian gold medalist swimmer, Mack Horton has made damn sure the world knows where he stands when it comes to cheaters. Especially those commies in China.

“I have no time or patience for doped up cheaters,” Horten sounded off. “Especially if they are commies. The world doesn’t need those kind of sookers.”

When asked what he meant by “those kind of sookers”, Horton explained, “Cheaters and Communists. But that is redundant, right? The Russians have been cheating since time immemorial. Commies, right? The Chinese are the worst. They are really little and look drongo in their togs. They should stick to math, strange duck recipes, and sweatshops.”

Horton was asked how he felt about many people calling him a racist.

“It’s just a shonky ratbag. Their swimmers are a bunch of shark biscuit. Calling a cheater a cheater is just the truth. Pack of bludgers they are.”

It is clear that Mack Horton tells it like it is. That seems quite refreshing these days, what with all of the bullshit floating around the world. Horton was convinced that sharing some Afghani Dark with American swimming champ, Michael Phelps proves he is not racist nor square. Raising the question, when will cheating in sports really be vanquished.

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