Stone Mountain native Wade Mullens is already tired of so much winning.
Stone Mountain native Wade Mullens is already tired of so much winning.

Stone Mountain, GA Stone Mountain native Wade Mullens, 42, is on fire. Everything is going his way with no signs of slowing, so much so that he’s actually getting a bit tired of it. “Haha, not quite yet,” laughed Mullens.

Wade’s winning weekend began Friday with the swearing in of the 45th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, and continued into Sunday with his favorite team blowing out the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship game. “I knew things were going to start looking up for me the second Fox News called the election for Mr. Trump,” Mullens said, “but I had no idea it would be this awesome this fast.”

Mr. Mullens awoke Saturday morning to news that his local coal mining job he lost back in 1989 would be returning with a 50 cent per hour pay raise. “I could hardly believe it,” he said, “and to think people actually doubted The Donald.”

Wade says since Friday’s Inauguration he has received not one but two hand shandys from his wife of 18 years, Molly Mullens.

“There’s this new glowing optimism that hasn’t been present in our marriage in a long, long time,” said Mrs. Mullens, “it’s going to be a great 4-8 years.”

On Monday morning the wins kept coming. During his morning coffee, Wade noticed his welfare-ridden neighbors had rented a moving truck and were in the process of moving. “Looks like the lazy buffalo and her snot-nosed kids have finally been evicted. It’s like everyday has been Christmas since Friday.”

With this newfound sense of confidence, Wade and Molly hope to coerce their homosexual son Leonard back home to get the counseling he needs to rid himself of this terrible affliction and lead a blessed lifestyle. “Anything is possible when you invite The Lord back into the White House,” Molly said.

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