An area sprinkler head has gone rogue and demanding more freedom and less oppression.
An area sprinkler head has gone rogue and demanding more freedom and less oppression.

Grass Valley, CA — An angry and rebellious irrigation sprinkler located at Grass Valley’s Roundabout went rogue over the weekend and decided to water the pavement instead of its assigned flower bed, multiple sources are reporting.  The purported sprinkler, an older-model rain bird which had been recycled from a recent park irrigation upgrade, said it was done just doing the same thing every day.

“I’m so tired of being told what to do and having no control over my activities,” said the aging but spunky sprinkler head when questioned about his insubordination. “It’s the same thing every day. Two waterings. One in the morning. One at night and the same damn thing every day. Well, I’m sick of it. And from now on, I’m gonna do things my way, got it? I’ll water when I want to do it. I don’t need no stinking timer telling me what to do.”

Throughout the day, various reports and complaints came into City Hall demanding something be done about the sprinkler. Several citizens claimed that the sprinkler was deliberately and maliciously targeting them.

“Well I was just out there walking my Crabcake,” said Grass Valley resident Millie Ballsama speaking of her dog ‘Crabcake Benedict’, which is Chow/Jack Russell mix, “when I got attacked by that sprinkler. Crabcake had just started to do his, well you know, business by the Roundabout, and we were both squirted in the head with water. We tried to run away but that sprinkler just followed us. It was just terrible.”

Other residents reported similar run-ins with the nasty irrigation device.

The Parks and Recreation department is investigating the claims, but even with the prospect of being removed from the Roundabout, the insolent sprinkler became even more defiant.

“They can go ahead and remove me,” continued the rogue irrigation device, “but they can’t kill my spirit nor stop the movement I’ve started. I know the other sprinklers are thinking of doing their own thing now. They can take me away for scrap, but they can’t take away my freedom.”

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