Beale Air Force Base, CA — Area pilot, cloud seeder, and geoengineering hopeful Barry Kenner of Marysville, CA, hopes that this year’s round of promotions will include one for him to Chemtrail disbursements. The former Navy Pilot and current cloud seeding captain of an Evergreen 747 based out of Beale Air Force base have been eyeing the coveted Chemtrail Captain position ever since he joined Evergreen’s geoengineering fleet back in 2006.
“When I got out of the Navy,” said an optimistic Mr. Kenner, “I was offered two cloud seeding jobs with Evergreen and the Intellectual Ventures out of Washington. I took the Evergreen job because I wanted to stay in California, and there was a greater opportunity to move up. And besides, Nathan Myhrvold’s gig [Intellectual Ventures] is too much R&D and not enough flight time.”
According to Evergreen Human Resources, the company prides itself on promoting from within, saying they like to keep their trade secrets “within the family.” When Gish Gallop asked for some details about Mr. Kenner’s future promotion, the company denied “conspiracy claims” that they are involved in any chemtrail spraying.
“Here at Evergreen, we consider our employees our biggest asset,” said HR representative Bethany Millbright reading from a prepared statement. “Our fleet is the most effective airborne combatant of Earth-threatening events. However, as we do with all press releases, we would like to reiterate that the company has nothing to do with any current, past, or future weather modification activities.”
As for Mr. Kenner, he had a slightly different perspective on both his and the company’s growth opportunities.
“We’ve been so busy the past year,” continued Mr. Kenner. “Evergreen is busy promoting recruits from Internet shill positions to cloud seeding. So that means I’m moving up as well. And to top it off, we just bought six new 747-200M ‘combies’, a new hybrid passenger and spraying vessel. I bet my new assignment will be on one of those.”