Apathetic Nation Continues to Boycott Mississippi

Mississippi has allocated funds to change state welcome sign.
Mississippi has allocated funds to change state welcome sign.

Jackson, MS — After a recent law allowing churches and businesses to discriminate against homosexuals, millions of Americans have reaffirmed their intention to avoid Mississippi for the rest of their lives.

“I guess I’m boycotting Mississippi,” shrugged Kylie Ireland of Los Angeles. “I mean I never really thought about going there, but if someone suggests it now I’ll say no. I can’t say I give a shit.”

Reaction to the new law from the business community has ranged from negative to tepid. Online payment processor PayPal cancelled plans to add 400 jobs to the state of 3 million, releasing a statement saying it was, “wrong to give a shit about the old Confederacy.” Other notable companies expressed confusion when asked about future, Mississippi-based plans.

“Mississ … I don’t understand the question,” said Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg when asked if his company would cancel plans to expand their presence in the state. “Who gives a shit?”

Tesla Motor’s Elon Musk responded with a wordless chuckle and walked away.

Meanwhile Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant was optimistic.

“While our great state recently recorded the third highest unemployment rate in the country, I’m happy with the face we’re presenting the world,” he said. “We Americans like to say people get the government they deserve, and my administration is really giving the citizens of this state everything they had coming.”

“The world gives a shit about Mississippi!”

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When Jon was a little bitty baby his mama would rock him in the cradle in the old cotton fields where he's from. Growing up in the deep south, he learned to take a punch, a skill he carries with him to this day and looks to pass on to future generations of Reremies. After the tragic monster truck accident that claimed the life of his latest wife, all pending charges were dropped, leaving Jon to pursue his dream of marrying someone younger, hotter, and dirtier. As his hunt continues, Jon lurks around the local junior college, where he hopes to earn his doctorate by attending several classes a month, that he may one day stop lying about having one. When he's not studying or leching, Jon maintains an active television-viewing schedule. On the rare occasion inspiration strikes, he strikes back.