New York, NY — Antifa, the group who has been accused of being merely an idea or a movement, has struck back by declaring its initial public offering (IPO) of 20,000,000 shares on the New York Stock Exchange.
Initial Class A shares will be optioned to the usual rich fucks who get all the IPO action before the rest of us.
Still Deciding the Details
Currently, the group is determining if they are a Delaware Corporation, S Corporation, LLC, General Partnership, Cooperative, Limited Partnership, Association, LLP, Joint Venture, LLC, Massachusetts Trust, PPLP, or Tenants in Common.
When these details are nailed down, it may or may not trade under the ticker symbol, ANTFA, ANTI, ANT-F, or ANFA, once the group reaches a branding consensus. The offering is expected to close on November 4, 2020, subject to customary closing conditions, the outcome of the election, or if the asteroid heading for Earth will strike on November 2.
Part-time lawyer and MLM Specialist, Lucas Dremmel, is acting as lead book-running manager for the offering. No co-managers have come forward yet, although the group is in contact with Deutsche Bank Securities and Wells Fargo, the only organizations with shady enough reputations willing to take this risk.
“We have many different ideas about how our organization will take shape,” said an AntiFa member, speaking under anonymity. “There are many people who want their voices counted, and we want all opinions to be considered.
“Fox News, right-wing organizations, and conspiracy theorists seem to think that George Soros is funding us. I haven’t even received a paycheck yet or any reimbursement for the soup and tuna cans I bought for the latest demonstrations.
“That’s why we decided to list on the NYSE – to raise funds for the future expenses our associates may incur by mocking Proud Boys and neo-Nazi-racists groups,” continued the anonymous Antifa member.
Antifa legal consultant, April Azimuth, is writing the prospectus in free-form poetic performance style.
“Free-form verse is non-threatening, yet can convey financial information in a very clear way, if you listen with an open mind,” she said. “There is also the Form S-1, which I’ve done in iambic haiku.”
“Here, let me read it to you…”
After listening to three hours of free-form poem prospectus and Form S-1 performance, the takeaway is that the Class A common share initial price will be somewhere between $0.02 and $420.00.
“George Soros never came through for us,” explained the anonymous AntiFa spokesman. “I hope the public understands that we now have to play by hardball by capitalist rules.”
“I can’t wait to ring that opening bell on the New York Stock Exchange,” he exclaimed.