Sumiton, AL — Unemployed handyman and rapist George Reed Wambles of Sumiton, Alabama, says he’s happy with Alabama’s new abortion ban. The new law, which takes effect six months from now, will give him a “second chance” to start a family he says he never had.

“I never really had the kind of real family life as a kid,” said Mr. Wambles speaking from an undisclosed location outside the Sumiton city limits. “But this new law will allow me to have the kind of family I always wished for. And no one can stop me. Not the police, not even all these libtard politicians from Washington D.C. This further proves that God has selected Trump to fulfill His will.”

From all accounts, George Reed Wambles came from a well-respected and politically connected family and was smooth and likable. Unfortunately, these traits were the perfect cover as he methodically stalked and assaulted many people. According to a friend closely connected with the Wambles Family, George, the middle of three boys, didn’t measure up to his Father’s strict and conservative standards.

The Wambles Family Long Republican Roots

The family’s patriarch, industrialist, and former State Senator Jessup Wambles had the young George interned at Montgomery’s Bright Star Boy’s Residential Hospital for “unusual and unchristian-like behavior.” At Bright Star, George Wambles became violent and even more deviant. Finally, at 18, he was released and started committing crimes.

“My father was a real jerk,” continued George. “He never cared for anything I did and said everything I did was a waste of time. So that’s why I’m looking to build a new family. You know, like the one I never had.”

Along with Alabama, lawmakers in Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Ohio, and Utah have passed new antiabortion bills. The new laws have prompted questions about whether women who have abortions could be punished and why some of the pieces of legislation are called “heartbeat bills,” among other topics.

The bill signed by Republican Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey prohibits abortion in just about every circumstance and is considered the most restrictive abortion law in the country. The legislation makes exceptions only for the mother’s health and for fetuses with “fetal anomalies,” which make them unlikely to survive outside. Rape and incest are not exempted from Alabama’s ban.

A New Chance for George Wambles

“I mean, finally, I have my say,” said Mr. Wambles cocking his head to the side. “No, they can’t take my baby away no matter what. Think about what this means for a person like me? I can even sue for visitation rights if the mother doesn’t want anything to do with me. And the best part is that she won’t be able to sue me for child support. You know, the way I think about it, this is a huge opportunity for me. And look at all of these other states following along with Sweet Home Alabama. I can live just about anywhere now.”

More critics and legislative analysts believe these new restrictive abortion laws will not make it past even the most conservative District Court appeals. And that the laws were drafted in such a way as to trigger a U.S. Supreme Court trial.

“I hear the Supreme Court is going to hear all this, which is fine. I mean, look at who Trump has put there? So I’ve got nothing to worry about,” said a nodding Mr. Wambles.

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