Sirr Al-Khagtim Al-Kalifa, a representative of Sudan's President Omar al-Bashir, speaks about the country renaming efforts.
Sirr Al-Khagtim Al-Kalifa, a representative of Sudan’s President Omar al-Bashir, speaks about the country renaming efforts.

Tripoli, Libya — Leaders of the seven countries subject to the President’s executive order blocking foreign nationals, migrants, and refugees of those countries from entering the United States acted quickly to formulate a response to this order, which they characterized as insulting and prejudicial to the interests and people of their countries. At an emergency joint summit of representatives of those countries held in Tripoli over the weekend, the discussions of how to respond to President Trump’s action were heated and purposeful.

Emerging from the second full day of talks, Sirr Al-Khagtim Al-Kalifa, a representative of Sudan’s President Omar al-Bashir, met with the Arabic media to outline the plan that was agreed to by participants in the summit.

“Since even before the election we have been worried about exactly the type of action that the American President has taken,” speaking through an interpreter, Al Kalifa explained,  “one which singles out our people and labels them all as terrorists. We do not want to fight with the people of the United States, and in fact we are also concerned for their welfare under this new regime. The American people are perhaps more unfortunate than we are, as they are subject to all the unwise and hasty actions of their new leader. We have decided to respond with a simple approach, one that will highlight the lack of wisdom and forethought that went into this unfortunate order. As you know, we are here because the people of our countries, Libya, Syria, Somalia, Iran, Iraq, Yemen and my beloved Sudan, are now unilaterally deemed to be the enemies of America.”

“We have decided after much discussion and debate, on a simple strategy,” Al Kalifa continued. “One that can be implemented quickly due to the relative flexibility of our political institutions. When each of us returns to our respective countries tomorrow, we will begin taking the steps to change the names of each of our countries.”

At that point a representative of Al Jazeera raised his hand and asked a question.

“But, what if the President just signs a new executive order banning travelers from the countries listing their new names?”

Al-Kalifa chuckled and replied, “Excellent question, and one we have thought of and addressed in our plan. Each new country name has been chosen to minimize the possibility of President Trump’s acting against it. For example, the new name in of the country Somalia translates in English into the Somali equivalent of what you call,’Trump University.’ Do you really think a person with his ego would sign an executive order banning the people of Trump University?”

Al-Kalifa continued.

“The new name for the people of Syria translates into, excuse me for the language, “Pussy Grabbers.” It’s admittedly, extreme, but he certainly won’t ban “Pussy Grabbers,” or he will be banning himself. Let’s hope he does. Libya will be “Waterboardia.” He loves that one very much. Then, there’s Yemen, which now will be called “The Republic of Family Values.” Congress will quash that one, as we know. That would hit their ranks very, very hard.” Iran becomes the “Trump Love Republic.” “Trump Lovers” from the ancient civilization of Iran will, of course, be safe from deportation. Iraq will be known as the “Ivanka Federation.” The man lusts after his daughter, Iraq is safe. Finally, my Sudan will be called “Mar-a-Lago,” and these names he will be very fond of. He will think that we are doing this in his honor. He will think we are bending to his will. The American President thinks he is the smartest, but we will outsmart him.”

“What if he figures this out and bans the new names?” Asked Arwa Damon, CNN’s senior foreign correspondent in a final question

“If he pulls out yet another leather binder listing the new names of our countries, well, we will just change our names again.” Al Kalifi answered. “The list of possible names is endless. By the way, we all can still continue to refer to our countries by the names we have always used. Nothing will really change. We will keep him busy signing leather binders to keep him from other activities that will be harmful.”

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