500 Rushed To Hospitals After Attending Trump Rally

Canton’s Trump rally attracted 1,000 people, all of whom have became seriously ill directly after the rally.

Canton, OH — President Trump has been on a tour of the nation holding rallies in support of his policies. Among the cities visited was Canton, Ohio, best known as the home of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Canton’s Trump rally attracted 1,000 people, all of whom have became seriously ill directly after the rally.

Local hospitals in the Canton area have been inundated with patients approximately one hour after the Trump rally. Symptoms range from spewing racial hate speech to constantly saying “MAGA!” over and over again.

Summa Health spokesperson, David Hoffe, spoke to me by phone.

“It has been very taxing for our medical personnel, the hate speech is the worst.” said Hoffe. “We have determined that these poor people are suffering from Trump Bullshit Disorder, or TBD. It is currently untreatable. We are researching a cure, but testing is going slow due to some of the patients holding our phlebotomist at gunpoint because she is of Syrian decent.”

This has only happened once before, it occurred at a Trump rally in Washington D.C. ten months ago. 75 people were affected by TBD and rushed to local hospitals. Many refused treatment, saying “I won’t be touched by no damn towel head that went to college on my dime!”

It is unclear what happened to those 75 people from the rally, many have simply disappeared. Some have been found within the KKK group compound in Mississippi. We can only hope that the doctors in Canton can find a cure for the 500 affected people.

Previous articleA Verdict on Obscenity
Next articleTrump Floats Bill Cosby Pardon
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.