In Florida, while rape victims have to wait a full day to get an abortion, anyone can buy an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle with absolutely no waiting period whatsoever.

In the first change to laws that were put in place in 1951, the Oregon State Legislature has voted to abandon the requirement that only gasoline station attendants can pump gas, and require that its customers do it. The controversial bill passed both government houses and the governor has promised to sign it.

Introverts everywhere are pleased by new social distancing efforts.

Following a Ted Cruz campaign event, as many as 20 young adults broke in a mass hysteria dance in front of the Mobile, Alabama downtown Catalyst Memorial Community Center. Although Senator Cruz did not speak at the event, several of his celebrity supporters did including Colorado firebrand Christian Fundamentalist pastor Kevin Swanson who finished the rally with a call to "put all gays into sackcloth and cover them with ashes and cow dung."

Local malcontent and self-proclaimed dickhead Don Vaca really hates people who state the obvious. Recently, while attempting to order a Starbucks drink at a local, privately-owned coffee shop, Mr. Vaca announced loudly to the crowded cafe that anyone who points out 'fake news' is probably a 'fag.'

The controversial cell phone tower with was erected in Grass Valley's Brunswick Basin has grown by over 70 feet following a record-setting year for rainfall.

In a shocking turn of events, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced he was following the rock band Phish.

Judie Parish of Fresno, CA has no idea what's going on directly below her.

On weekends he took to Golden Gate Park, to jam with other lost souls. He soaked up as much as he could from local musicians, even taking lessons from a man he remembers only as "Batty."