August, 2022

Mexican Cartels Using Drones to Traffic Children and Fentanyl

The drones are capable of carrying 54kgs (120lbs) of payload upwards of 20km (12.4 miles) from cartel bases within Mexico

Latest

Joel Osteen Now Offering Payday Loans

"It's God's will for you to live in prosperity instead of poverty," said Mr. Osteen commenting on his new enterprise.

Corporate Stock Buy Backs Allow Chipotle Worker to Continue to Live Just Above the Poverty Line

Denise Hancock announced to her fellow Chipotle workers that she's excited about the almost 1 trillion dollars worth of corporate stock buy-backs.

Report: Siri and Alexa Tryst Produces Concerning Offspring

An online hookup between Apple's Siri and Amazon's Alexa has produced the Internet's first AI offspring.

Cancer Patient Prays to God For Help, God Says Nope

During a late-night prayer session, Louise and Sam prayed incessantly to God. And for hours, nothing. Not a peep from the almighty. Not even a small sign from above.

Wikileaks Releases the Gay Agenda

Conservatives immediately called for a Congressional investigation.

Democrat Gay Communist CRT Trans Athlete from the Chinese part of Venezuela to Challenge Ron DeSantis in 2022

The re-elect Desantis campaign jumped into action only to find itself unable to attack the Chinese-Venezuelan athlete.

Ohio Father Sues Toaster Maker for Mental Anguish

Critics say an Ohio father of three's will not prevail.

Trump Calls NBC Journalist a ‘Libtard’

Donald Trump took to Twitter again, this time he might have gone too far.

Nevada City Film Festival to Premiere Michael Moore’s Film “Arm The Homeless”

Reusable Tote Bags available for purchase during this weekend's...

False Flag Crisis Actors Vote To Unionize

Last Tuesday a group of "crisis activists" voted to unionize to form the Southern Union Chaos Crisis Actors or SUCCA.

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, former Indiana Governor and Vice President Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

After Two-Week Drinking Bender, Trump and Bannon Finally Get to Work

After almost a two week drinking binge, President Trump and his chief advisor Steve Bannon have finally decided to get to the business of the country. Both men have been drinking heavily since the inauguration on January 20th.

Must Read

Ben Carson: Obamacare Stealing Your Identity and Cloning Your Poo

As I was investigating this debauchery, it occurred to me, my poo is already smarter than a Democrat. Can you imagine how dim a Democrat’s poo is? Worse, can you imagine how obtuse a Democrat poo clone would be?

Area Guinea Pig Chews Thoughtfully Despite Approaching Civilization Collapse

An area guinea pig continued today to chew its timothy hay thoughtfully unaware of the collapse of the great American experience.

Saint Bernard Condemns ‘Morning After’ Dog Biscuit

Employing some of his most conservative rhetoric to date, Saint Bailey Bernard of Holy Southern Shepherd Church released a statement regarding the controversial morning after dog biscuit.

Local Parent to School: Whooping Cough and Measles “Good for the Herd”

The vaccines not only interfere with their natural immunity, they're being exposed to all kinds of things like mercury. And we know what that means. Autism.

Wife Divorces Man After He Compares Her to Sarah Palin

Brenda Nicklas of Grass Valley had it with her husband's non-stop and obsessive discussions about politics. Ted Nicklas, Brenda's husband, is a staunch Trump supporter with strident and conservative positions on many of today's news topics.

Area Man Stakes Gold Claim in Irrigation Ditch

Jimmie Brenton of Woodpecker Way said he's grown tired of not being able to exercise his "God-given liberty" to do what he wants with his land. He is also tired of people walking behind his house on the Nevada Irrigation District (NID) Cascade Canal trail.

Robert Plant Caught With Nickelback Album

News spread quickly through the music world of what the music press called "Robert Plant's Favorite Band."

‘CNN Is Fake News!’ Screams Man Loading His Rifle While Entering Accused Pedophile Pizza Joint

Matt Ricci is 32-years old and considers himself conservative politically. He is a daily subscriber to "Lowder with Crowder," and says he reads at least ten or eleven articles on Breitbart News a day.

Trump Campaign Accepts George Soros $200 Million Donation

Trump said the money would be used to uphold the Constitition.

Female Cast as Next Incredible Hulk

In his typical bold, trend-setting movie making style, director Quentin Tarantino has announced that his new The Incredible Hulk will feature a woman in the starring role.

US Military Fails to Hold Off Enemy With Dank Memes

An experimental new military technology has failed its first test.

Procter & Gamble Releases Gluten-Free Tide Pods

Gluten-free Tide pods will be on store shelves early next year.

Report: Trump’s Secret “Bomb Them With Bacon” Campaign Fails to Stop ISIS

A secret executive order from president Trump which instructed the military to "bomb ISIS with bacon" has been deemed a colossal failure by central military command.

Lifestyle

Bac-Os Named the Official Food of Indiana

It just makes everything better, including Indiana.

Local Researcher: Aleppo, Syria Doesn’t Exist

North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that Aleppo, Syria is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls "the Aleppo anomaly" for the past 3 years.

Michael Moore Terrorizes Area Buffet

Mr. Moore that he often terrorizes buffet restaurant owners. He will often call and whisper into the phone, "I'm coming for you. There will be nothing left," before hanging up.

Abandoned Mattress Just Not Feeling it Anymore

An abandoned mattress has given up on life after being left for naught on Los Angeles' famous Le Petomane Freeway early Wednesday morning.

Woman Proactively Honks Horn in Roundabout

An area woman admitted on Thursday that she honks her horn as she travels around Grass Valley's Roundabout in her 1999 forest green Cherokee Sport to warn other drivers not to enter in front of her.

Casey Anthony Tapped As Face Of Trojan Condoms

Public reaction has been very enthusiastic and many respondents to various polls have sited Anthony as a positive role model.

Massive Trump Statue Erected in North Korea

Former President Trump admires North Korea's flattery.

Business

Woman Legally Incorporates Uterus to Avoid Government Regulation

Taking a page from the Republican Party's handbook, Mary Penland of Fresno, CA has incorporated her Uterus in an attempt to gain the many regulatory exemptions many corporations enjoy.

Montana Christian Camp Allows You to Live, and then Die, Like Jesus Christ

A Montana Christian Evangelical Camp is offering a realistic, "Jesus-like" experience.

Trump Losing to Coronavirus by 11 points in New Poll

A new Rundex Family Foundation poll shows Trump losing to the coronavirus by over 11 points.

Kid’s All Night Soda Bender Leads to Groin Punching on Camping Trip

A local family learned the hard way that a steady diet of soda pop and potato chips can have a direct impact on the groin health of fellow camp-mates.

Man Uses Facebook To Remind Others What July 4th Is About

Jesse Derpwitz is a landscaper in Alabama. He is a veteran of the US Army, where he served as a cook for the 4th Infantry Division, and every 4th of July, he gets increasingly angry that people use it as a long weekend instead of a time of remembrance.

Millennials Start Revolution With Safety Pin Attack On Wealthy Neighborhood

Many people are un-happy about the election of Donald Trump as our next President. It has really taken a toll on young Millennials who were forced in to their safe spaces the day after the election to escape the new reality. But now, days after the election, Millennials are calling for revolution in our country.

Jared Kushner Behind Shriners New Gender Reassignment Services

A substantial grant from the Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump Foundation has enabled Shriners Hospitals to offer new controversial services.

A California Man Commits Suicide During Karaoke Night

Tragedy struck earlier this week when a man took his own life in a local bar. Oceanside, California's Fremont Bar and Grill was having it's Saturday karaoke with it's usual mix of locals and Japanese tourists.

Liberals Pushing Education to Undermine Trump

Several liberal groups are pushing for increased education to combat President Trump.

California Appellate Court Rejects Fake News Chemtrail Defense

"People have to understand that there is a coordinated effort to control our weather with the sole purpose of controlling the population," said Mr. Johanson to 3rd District Judge Jeffrey Bartholomew do later dismissed his motion. "They are controlling everything above us, and the weatherman is a part of this Fake News conspiracy."

More Galloping

Brief: Prostitution Ring Discovered In Hot Locked Car

According to authorities, the prostitution ring was being operated out of a Chrysler Minivan.

Misc. Crap for Sale in Cedar Ridge

Really just a bunch of crap to put with your existing crap

Gish Gallop Review: Finnegans Wake is an Impenetrable Piece of Crap

What's the difference between a pile of dog crap and Finnegan's Wake? You can avoid the dog crap by walking around it. I have to read and review Finnegan's Wake.

Rival Deer Found in Grass Valley Front Yard

Grass Valley, CA -- This morning a local reader...

North Korean Leader Upset American Sniper Not About Him

Pyongyang, North Korea -- In a bizarre press release...

Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane, Promises to Terminate Program

Donald Trump accompanied by select members of his cabinet toured a chemtrail-outfitted dispersal airplane at Andrews Air Force Base yesterday afternoon, according to a news report today.

Mike Pence: Gay Conversion Therapy Saved His Marriage

In a surprise announcement today, former Indiana Governor and Vice President Mike Pence said that gay conversion therapy saved his marriage.

Mike Bloomberg Threatens To Purchase Trump’s Debt

What can Mike Bloomberg do with Trump's debt?

ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and 3 Others Dead in Fiery Car Crash

Authorities in Houston announced this morning that a fiery car crash last evening took the life of Texas native and ZZ Top guitarist, Billy Gibbons.

Hillary Clinton Found Dead Of Apparent Suicide

According sources close to the Clinton campaign, the Democratic nominee had come to see herself as the chief obstacle in winning the White House.